5 Common Fears While Walking In Or Pursuing Purpose And How To Conquer Them + Action Guide

Do you know that sneaky little four letter word that seems to pop up at the most unexpected time, inviting itself in where it isn’t wanted?

I am talking about FEAR. It is the one thing that everyone, no matter who you are, where you live or what you have, will encounter somewhere along their journey, especially when you decide to walk in your purpose. It is unrelenting!

A former classmate and friend of mine once told me this and it always stuck with me:

We become dangerous when we know who we are and for what purpose we were created.

I would add to that:

We become a potential threat to the kingdom of darkness when we DARE to step out and into our destiny and purpose, despite all odds, and succeed. 

With this in mind, it is important to recognize and identify these fears because it will hinder you from moving forward in your purpose. 

I recently surveyed a group of women from mid 20s to late 40s, some married-some single, some with children and others without. Not surprisingly, there were 5 common fears that kept coming up as each woman was either on the journey to pursuing their purpose or actively walking it out. 

Be sure to grab your free action guide to help you begin to take hold of these fears and not allow it to hinder you while pursuing your purpose or in life in general. 

 

    1. Fear of Inadequacy

What this sounds like in your head:

Am I enough? Do I have what it takes? Do I measure up? I can’t be like so and so. I am not qualified. I don’t have the proper skills, training, certifications, degrees, education…to do this.

Result: It leads to a comparison trap, pride and/or low self-esteem. The flip side is you can also begin to put yourself down and fail to see your incredible worth and contribution to this world, just by being here!

Truth: We will never feel fully adequate. The danger of feeling too confident can lead to pride and independence, which simply means, “I don’t need help” or “I don’t need Christ.” We can do nothing apart from Him. There will always be someone who writes better, sings better, speaks better, leads better, teaches better, coaches better, does something better than you. You MUST know what your unique factor is. What makes you YOU? Seeing your worth and acknowledging it will lead you to act accordingly.

    2. Fear of Failure

What this sounds like in your head:

Will I make the choice to persevere and press through? What if I do it wrong? What if I make a mistake? What if I mess up? What if it doesn’t go the way I envisioned or wanted it to go?

Result: You become paralyzed. You don’t step out. You don’t try. You continue to live in your comfort zone. You never grow. You never become who you could be.

Truth: Failure is only failure if you didn’t try. It is important to learn to take a different approach to failure and define it differently. Life is all about risks.

Failure builds character and perseverance, two things needed while walking in your purpose. ~@lifecoachchar

Click To Tweet

Ask yourself: how will I redefine failure?

    3. Fear of Rejection

What this sounds like in your head:

I can’t put myself out there. My family/friends may support me, but what if others don’t? Is anyone else going to affirm me? What if people don’t receive what I have to say or am doing? What if when I ask for help or reach out, they don’t respond or they say ‘No’? I don’t have the courage to reach out to people who are going to help me in pursuing my purpose.

Result: You don’t ask for help. You get stuck. Doubt comes in. You can begin to feel inadequate/alone. You don’t try.

Truth: It is human nature to want to be accepted. Author Donald Miller said: “The most common regret of the dying was this: they wish they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves and not the life others expected of them.” A part of living true to yourself means that everyone isn’t going to accept you or support you, even family and friends. You have to become okay with this. Rejection also teaches us perseverance and how important it is to love and accept you—always.

Rejection also gets us one step closer to our “Yes”. ~@lifecoachchar

Click To Tweet

Decide that you are going to live true to yourself no matter what.

4. Fear of the Unknown

What this sounds like in your head:

I am a planner. I need to know what is going to happen next.  I need to find out all the details. I don’t like to go somewhere or do something I am unfamiliar with.

Result: There is a struggle for control and instead of feeling more free to move forward, you get stuck. You become stagnant and/or overly stressed. You become unwilling to try anything new or step outside of your comfort zone and thus, you don’t give yourself a chance to grow.

Truth: Fear of the unknown is connected to a desire to control. We can’t control everything. In fact, we only have control over ourselves and our response. Sometimes the more you try to control a situation the more you begin to feel out of control. Think about the areas of your life where you desire to have freedom most. Take a deep breath and let go.

5. Fear of Sacrifice/Surrendering

What this sounds like in your head:

I simply don’t want to. I don’t want to sacrifice my own time. I don’t want to give up what I want. I may have to leave some people or some habits behind. I am not ready to give up sleep, my “me” time, control, hanging out as much, etc.

Result: You never know what or who you could be. You continue down the same comfortable, secure and safe path. You never experience true freedom.

Truth: Some of the greatest rewards come from sacrifice and stepping out in pursuit of your purpose. I won’t lie to you. Sacrifice/surrendering is costly, but the benefits and who you become in the process are well worth it.

The cost of sacrifice boils down to: pay now or pay later, with interest.~@lifecoachchar

Click To Tweet

It always ends up being more expensive if you delay and decide to pay later. Don’t think about what you will lose, but what you are gaining.

 

Don’t live your life in regret. Know that because we are all imperfect, we will make mistakes. We will meet others who do things a little better than us. We will be told ‘No’. We will not know everything or be in control of circumstances. Anything worth having is going to cost us something.

Don’t use any of these fears as an excuse not to try or become more, do more or live more. 

There is someone (or a group of people) waiting on you to move past your fears and into your purpose.~@lifecoachchar

Click To Tweet

Get your free action guide below and let’s move past those fears!

 

Do These 5 Things Today To Ensure You Never Stop Dreaming or Becoming (+ Actionable Worksheet)

Never Stop Dreaming!


These were the words I heard right before I was jolted out of my sleep by my annoying alarm early one morning. I rushed to turn my phone alarm off and hurriedly texted these three words to two of my friends who are a part of my dream team.

I knew exactly why those 3 words were on my mind this particular morning, as they had been weighing heavily on my heart after a coaching session I had with a prospective client a few days prior.

This wife and mom of 3 school age children wanted to explore some things that she could do next in her career. She acknowledge the fact that her life for the last 7 years had revolved completely around being a wife and a mom.  As we neared the end of our conversation, with nearly every question I asked, she and I became aware of 3 things:

  1. There was a huge gap between “could do” and “wanted to do” as it related to her career.

  2. There was also a disconnect that existed between the person she was as a child–-full of ideas, hopes and dreams–-the popular college student who was often in the spotlight, and her current situation: an anti social recluse who was in need of some direction.

  3. A shift had taken place and she found herself stuck as she kept saying over and over, “I don’t know what happened to me.”

She had stopped dreaming and as a result she had stopped believing in herself.

She stopped seeing herself as the beautiful woman God created her to be, with a myriad of gifts and talents including the ability to write, sing, act and build things from scratch.

She had not even been able to truly celebrate the fact that she had finished writing and publishing a book, something she felt she was supposed to complete years ago.

Her identity had become so lost in raising her children and being a new wife that she somehow forgot about and disconnected herself from those dreams she had as a child, believing that the two couldn’t coexist.

As I began highlighting the many desires and dreams she still had locked up on the inside of her: to serve others, the passion to create things or pull things apart and rebuild them, she still kept rehearsing words and suggestions that were not her own, but had been imposed on her by others.

They were words that had created the gap that now existed between what she could do and what she wanted to do, and it was keeping her stuck. Phrases like:

“Well this person said I could do this.”

“My mother thought I should do this.”

“People said I shouldn’t do this.”

She had allowed the naysayers, the dream busters and the negative Nancys to redirect her life and now she was stuck, 7 years later.

She needed to reconnect to those dreams and to the woman she was becoming in order to tap into those things that she was called to do. Only then would she begin to really live more freely, unapologetically and purposefully.

I didn’t want her to wake up one day when her children were grown and out of the house still trying to figure out what she was supposed to be doing. 

Perhaps you may find yourself in a similar situation as my client that I described above.  

Here are a few things to begin considering and things you can do to ensure that you never stop dreaming or becoming.

 

Never%2Bstop%2Bdreaming%2BWorksheets%2Bimage.jpg

May I encourage you to never stop becoming. Never stop dreaming. Never stop pursuing the things you love, the things that come naturally to you, and the things that make you YOU.

There is a roadmap that has yet to be discovered embedded in your life story.

You owe it to yourself to find out what it is.


Who Will Your Original Be?

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of young ladies who were 2nd and 3rd year college students at a natural beauty and self-love symposium.

As we dialogued about the things and people who have influenced their definition of natural beauty over the years and how that definition has changed, one of the young ladies brought to light an important observation.  She stated that society has always had an ‘original’ or standard by which natural beauty is defined. This standard has served as a model to which people make a self-comparison in order to determine whether they measure up.

As I thought about what she said, I challenged her and the other young ladies with this question, “Who will your ‘original’ be?” 

She immediately responded, “Me”.


As I reflect back on this statement, I was forced to think about a number of things and people who I have knowingly or unknowingly used as a standard while on my own journey to understanding natural beauty and self-love—the path of becoming more, doing more and living more. 

For a long time, I, too, didn’t see myself being the original to which I was comparing my ever evolving self. 

Often times, as mentors, parents, teachers and other influencers that have the opportunity to speak into and affect the lives of others, particularly our young people, we have to be careful when we say they can be anything they want to be.

The truth is, each of us was uniquely designed to be a specific person—YOU.


Many well-known people such as Oprah, Janelle Monae, Barbara Walters, Michael Jordan, Elvis, Bishop Jakes and countless others were once just regular names with no significance to anyone. Over time, they became the best version of themselves—who they were created to be—and became great at what they were called to do.

Oprah, herself, made this discovery. When she started her career in television news, she found herself trying to be like Barbara Walters. “It was something as superficial as trying to sit like Barbara and cross my legs like Barbara and lean into the desk like Barbara,” Oprah recalls. “Superficial, but still prohibiting me from being able to exercise the fullness of myself”. She soon realized that the key to becoming who she was really supposed to be began when she stopped “pretending to be an anchorwoman and pretending to be like Barbara Walters”. (Huffington Post). As a result, her career began to take off.

There is nothing wrong with admiring or even aspiring to develop and embrace some of the values, skills, and character qualities of others. However, we need to make sure that we are not shying away from the message to tell others as well as ourselves that being the best version of YOU is the best you can be—100% of the time. 

I have friends who I admire for their persistence in going after what they want as well as their work ethic in pursuing their purpose.  I have loved ones from whose life experiences I have learned what it means to be really bold and outspoken.  Yet, I have to be careful that I am not making them my standard or using them to define who I should be or what I should do.

When we begin comparing ourselves to others, start trying to define ourselves by what others say the standard is or pretending to be someone else, we rob ourselves and others of the unique gift we were specifically intended to share with others.

Discover the freedom of being who you were truly created to be and become unapologetic about it. Then, you will begin creating the original version of you and the standard to which you can now compare yourself.

You are unique, as unique as the DNA and fingerprint you possess. There has never been and there will never be another you on this earth. You are fearfully and wonderfully made—skillfully knitted together with a combination of gifts, skills, talents and abilities that you are to use to serve others. 

Don’t become a carbon copy. Instead, be your own original. Be the one to whom you compare yourself to as you continually move forward in your journey to becoming more—the original version of yourself, doing more—the original things you were created to do and living more—the abundant life you were already destined to live.

Begin asking yourself some questions:

  1. Who am I created to be?

  2. What makes me uniquely me?

  3. Who/what is my standard for becoming the best version of myself?

  4. How did I determine this?

After answering these questions, write a letter to your original self as if you were 10 years older. Describe the person you are now and who you hope to become by then and seal it.  Let’s see how close you come to that person you want to be 10 years from now.